Blog / June 25, 2026
The Funniest Wine Names on File With the Feds
The TTB approves your label without judging your taste — which is how a wine called Booty Call clears the same federal review as a First-Growth Bordeaux.
By Zillah Bahar, Founder, COLAClear · June 25, 2026
Below, a sample of wacky wine names from 2025 — pulled from the same TTB filings COLAClear.com (a COLA label pre-check app) screens against.
Each entry shows the brand, the approval date, and the grape (where the producer declared one — a surprising number are oddball hybrids).
Wordplay & puns
Attempted Murder — Driftwood · Dec 5, 2025 · Noiret (a red hybrid; a group of crows is a “murder”)
A Frayed Knot — Love & Squalor · Nov 14, 2025 · skin-contact Gewürztraminer
Moose Bouche — Moose Mountain · Jul 1, 2025 · Sémillon
Poet-Nat — Echolands · Apr 28, 2025 · Cabernet Franc pét-nat
The Seven Deadly Zins — 7 Deadly Zins · May 12, 2025 · Zinfandel
Schrödinger’s Cat — Chateau Merrillanne · Jan 24, 2025 · Chardonnay
Cheeky
Cheap Ass Wine — Thelma and Louise · Jan 6, 2025 · red blend
Booty Call — Evoke Winery · Jul 24, 2025 · sweet rosé
Cookie Nookie — Buzzballz · Apr 10, 2025 · flavored
Effing Naughty — Tuscan Hills · Mar 31, 2025 · flavored
Pop-culture references
Strange New Worlds — Dr. Joseph M’Benga · Sep 10, 2025 · Pinot Noir (Star Trek)
Leave the Gun, Take the Cannolis (Part 1) — Gorman · Apr 23, 2025 · Columbia Valley red blend (The Godfather)
Ex Astris, Scientia — Starfleet Academy · Sep 10, 2025 · Sonoma red blend (Star Trek)
Animal kingdom
Black Chicken — Robert Biale · Nov 14, 2025 · Zinfandel
Trash Panda — Trash Panda · Jul 1, 2025 · Cabernet Sauvignon
The Weird Ones Are Wolves — Lightwell Survey · Jul 9, 2025 · Cabernet Franc blend
Duck Duck Lamgooseco — Montezuma · May 8, 2025 · hybrid sparkling
Two Drunk Owls — Two Drunk Owls · Mar 27, 2025 · single-varietal house (Syrah / Primitivo / Sangiovese / Cabernet)
Deadpan & absurd
The Velvet Devil — Charles Smith · Jul 10, 2025 · Merlot
Taco Truck — The Port Taco Truck · Nov 30, 2025 · Cabernet Sauvignon
A Higher Class of White Trash — Irene’s Vineyard · Nov 13, 2025 · Niagara
Chaos Theory — Brown Estate · Aug 18, 2025 · red blend
Hot Mess Express — Driftwood · Dec 17, 2025 · red blend
The pattern, once you’ve scrolled the list: the wit lives in the small shops. The big, widely-distributed brands almost never do this — the funniest names cluster at tiny producers working with oddball grapes, where a clever name is cheaper than an ad budget and the winemaker still gets the final say.
And here’s the part I think about for a living: the name is the one thing on the label the TTB leaves entirely to you. The rest is not optional. Get the alcohol statement, the net contents, or the Government Warning wrong, and even Booty Call comes back as “needs correction.” The funny part is free. The compliant part is where the bottle actually gets stuck.
Zillah Bahar is the founder of COLAClear, a TTB label pre-screening platform for wine, spirits, and beer. COLAClear checks the parts of the label the TTB does — so the only hard call left is what to name the thing. You can run a label free during beta at colaclear.com.
Source: Brand and product names on domestic wine labels approved in 2025, from the TTB Public COLA Registry. Every wine named here is a real, TTB-approved label. Label images are the producers’ own, as filed with the TTB.
Related reading: From apple pie moonshine to canned margaritas — the same registry, read for how America names its spirits. See also wine labels have a season.